


Saints and Sinners

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-05
Updated: 2011-10-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:18:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3506423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toki  is a pastor in his father’s church, and Dethklok comes to Lillehammer.<br/>Random fucked up idea, written all kinds of out of order.  It’s confusing like random thoughts, but hopefully you’ll be able to follow it.<br/>Religion, I’m doing it wrong.  I know it, just go with it.  Also some of my Norwegian “facts” (such as bars on Sunday.)<br/>Warning: Mentions of canon child abuse.  And then some porn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saints and Sinners

**Author's Note:**

> In case you didn’t read the summary, _let me tell you again_ : This is all out of order, that’s just how it wanted to be written. A string of **** is a time change. Also, time changes will not be linear for the most part. Got it? Good, you may read now.

The confessional booth suddenly seemed too small, a trap. _Why_ had this man come here? What did he want? As if seeing him sitting quietly in the church hadn’t been enough of a shock, he’d stayed afterwards for confession. And chosen this booth, that wasn’t an accident.  
Hands shaking, he slid open the window between the booths and waited.  
“Bless me father for I has sinned.”  
Surprised this man even knew that much, he managed to speak his line. “Goes on.”

“It has beens... a very long times since mine last confession. Actuallies I can’ts remember if I ever does it evens.”  
Maybe he’d ben wrong, maybe this man was really here to confess? “Goes on.”  
“I ams supposed to be saysing mine sins now, ja? I’s a pretty big sinner I guess... Where does I even start? Okays, I has had lots of sex, wit many ladies and some guys. And I drinks and does drugs and all dat stuff too.”

His stupid collar felt like it was choking him, he tugged at it. “Goes on.”  
“I tink dat pretty much covers it?”  
“Oh sorries!” He hated the nervousness in his voice, but couldn’t seem to hide it. “Um, says seven hail Marys?”  
There was a shifting on the other side of the wall, then the guy leaned close to the window, his mouth visible through the tight mesh. That mouth, oh God, that _mouth_...

“To be perfectlies honest, I has no idea what dose even ams, and I’s not sorries for none of it anyway.” He spoke low, taking care not to be overheard. “I comes her to fnds you. Will you meets me tonight, same place?”  
He shouldn’t risk it, he really, really shouldn’t... But he couldn’t resist. Leaning in too, whispering through the mesh, “I tries, okays? That’s the best I can promises you.”  
Those lips, so close...  
But not here. 

**** **** **** **** ****

Toki sipped his beer, staying back in the shadows.  
He had taken a huge risk by coming here, if he was seen by anyone from the church all of Hell would surely come raining down on his head. But for Dethklok...  
Dethklok had really come to Lillehammer, it was still hard to believe. At the short show they’d played earlier, he’d been entranced. He knew he shouldn’t be there, but he couldn’t leave.

And then the singer, Nathan, had announced that they would be at this bar. So here he was.  
The death of Magnus had made international news, and this mini tour was a recruiting attempt. Dethklok only used Scandinavian guitarists, and they were hunting for a new one.  
Toki knew better than to even dare to dream of that. Sure he could play several instruments (including guitar) but there was no way he could ever dare to try out.

Wrapped up in his own thoughts, he didn’t realize the other man had come so close until he spoke.  
“Well hellos dere, beautiful.”  
Skwisgaar Skwigelf was talking to him! Did he think he was a girl because of his hair? No, that was silly. Toki tried to speak, but couldn’t seem to manage it.  
“Ams you here for de tryouts?”  
He shook his head, sliding down in his seat a bit, terrified. People were looking at them, looking to see who Skwisgaar was talking to. If the wrong person saw him...

Skwisgaar leaned close. “Dat’s a shames. But heys, you sees dat door over dere?” He pointed. “It goes to de alleys, I ams going to goes out dere and smoke, why don’ts you come join me?”  
So close to this Guitar God... There was more than one kind of God in this world. This beautiful blond man, those endless blue eyes he couldn’t look away from...  
Toki nodded. Yes he would risk it, anything he could get was worth it. It _had_ to be.

He watched Skwisgaar detour to say something to his band, then go out the side door.  
After what he felt was enough time, Toki got up and followed. He moved around the edges, trying not to draw any attention to himself.  
Out the door, the alley was dark. The glowing tip of Skwisgaar’s cigarette was all he could make out as his eyes fought to adjust. Funny, he’d just assumed it would be some sort of drug, but no.

The cigarette was flicked off into nothingness, and suddenly Skwisgaar was right in front of him. “Can I kisses you?”  
Toki nodded, surprised, and then realized that his nod probably couldn’t be seen. “Ja... _please_?”  
The words were barely past his lips before Skwisgaar’s mouth replaced them.  
Pressed to the wall, Toki wrapped his arms around that slim body and pulled him closer still.

**** **** **** **** ****

By the time he was sixteen, Toki had learned far too well.  
His father had always been quick with the lash, but the biggest lesson it’s harsh bite had taught him was ‘don’t get caught.’ And he didn’t, not anymore.  
His future was with the church, that’s what he’d always been told. But as long as he could have _some_ life outside of it, Toki thought he could live with that.  
‘Sick friends’ were the best excuse, they could hardly fault him for being generous.

In the earlier years he’d mostly gone to music stores and the occasional concert when he had a few dollars and felt he could afford the risk.  
Later he’d mostly gone to seedy bars, the kind that no one from the church would ever be at. Also gay bars, because they were even safer. His resemblance to Varg Vikernes got him a lot of attention in these places, and he was happy to take it. At the very least, it often earned him another beer or two that he couldn’t afford.

He was no virgin. A woman had been his first, but he’d probably been with an equal amount of both sexes by then. Not tons of people, he didn’t dare risk it often even in his chosen environments, but he was far from innocent.  
Yet he played the pious good boy, and played it convincingly enough to avoid further punishment. Toki lived in fear that one day they would find out about him, about all the sins he’d heaped upon himself. And what would happen then?

He couldn’t afford to live on his own or some days he thought he would just leave.  
There was the occasional odd job, but he was usually expected to do these out of pure charity. Sometimes they paid him anyway, and these small and infrequent amounts were his only income. They bought him what little freedom he had.  
Most likely the only freedoms he would _ever_ have.

**** **** **** **** ****

Dethklok on stage was the most amazing thing Toki had ever seen. Even short one guitarist, their music took no prisoners.  
Nathan Explosion was even more charismatic in real life, but it was the guitarist, Skwisgaar, that Toki couldn’t take his eyes off of. He’d never seen a more beautiful man.  
But of course, he was well aware of Skwisgaar’s reputation with the ladies. There was no point in even daydreaming about it, that man was straight if any man ever was.  
Still, he couldn’t look away.  
And when he heard where they were headed afterward, he just _had_ to go.

**** **** **** **** ****

Skwisgaar pulled back far enough to look Toki in the eyes, they had both adjusted to the dim light of the alley by this point. “Please tells me dat you cans play de guitars.”  
“I cans. Doesn’t matters though, I can’ts trys out or nothings.” His fate was already set, this was just a fantasy, a moment he would treasure forever.  
“I don’t knows what it ams abouts you, but it’s someting. At least tells me your name?”  
“I’s... just Toki. And I really gots to go now!” It was late, he had to hurry home if he wanted to stay out of trouble. 

Despite Skwisgaar’s protests and the protest of every cell in his body, Toki pulled himself away. He couldn’t look into those eyes again or he’d never leave.  
Slipping back into the bar and across to the other side, Toki vanished out into the night.  
He’s actually _kissed_ Skwisgaar Skwigelf, and the man had run those talented hands under his shirt and across his body. If he was found out this time, Toki knew that at least he would die happy.  
But amazingly, he made it home with no complications.

**** **** **** **** ****

Toki couldn’t believe it when he saw the blond God walk into the church and take a seat.  
He’d heard that Dethklok had departed earlier that week with no new guitarist found at this stop, but either that information was incorrect or this one had stayed behind. He looked a lot different, dressed all in white with his long hair neatly tied back. He looked like he might actually belong there, and not so much like a death metal musician.  
Just sitting there quietly in the pew.  
How had he found this place? What would he say? After all his trying to be careful, everything was hanging by a thread.

Toki could feel those blue eyes on him as he carried out his duties, making him nervous, making him fumble. He prayed his father wouldn’t notice.  
Distracted by a new face in his church, the Reverend was paying less attention to his son than usual. Newcomers were few and far in between out here.  
Skwisgaar behaved himself, following along with the rest of the congregation.  
Toki couldn’t resist stealing glances, and their eyes met every time.

**** **** **** **** ****

The bar was closed.  
_Of course_ it was, it was Sunday. Toki stood at the door, feeling like the biggest fool that ever lived. Taking a chance like this for nothing at all. Why had Skwisgaar asked him to come here? Maybe...  
Toki tried the door, but of course it was locked. So much for that thought. He didn’t have much time tonight, his parents were expecting him home soon.  
Then it came to him, the bar itself was not where they’d been. Toki hurried around the corner to the alley, hardly daring to hope. 

“I was tinking dat you woulds not come.” Skwisgaar was sitting against the wall on an empty crate. He still wore his white clothes, making him seem to almost glow in the weak light.  
“I couldn’ts _nots_ come.” He moved into the alley, wanting to get out of sight. There was no one around at the moment, but always the chance that someone would walk by.  
Skwisgaar rose to meet him, and Toki walked straight into his embrace.

“I thoughts you all leaves, why’s you still here?”  
“Dey did leaves, I stays longer. Because of yous, dere ams jus someting abouts you. I tink maybe you ams supposed to be our next guitarist.  
“You’s never even hears me play!”  
“But I wants to, and so much mores. Will you comes to mine room wit me?”

Toki had to be home soon or he was risking everything. He couldn’t possibly follow this Guitar God to a _hotel room_ , of all places. But he couldn’t refuse. “Okays.”  
Skwisgaar’s grin made it all worth it.  
Together they wove through the streets, Toki feeling more reckless than ever. His future was balanced on a knife’s edge and he had no idea which way he would fall. Right now, he didn’t even care.  
They escaped into the hotel room.

**** **** **** **** ****

People were either saints or sinners, his father had explained, and their job was to pull as many as possible to the saintly side. They were quite literally saving people from Hell.  
Every mark on Toki’s back brought him a step further away from being a sinner, but the rules were so many and he forever seemed to slip up. His parents never gave up on him though, determined that he should be saved.

Slowly, Toki learned the rules. While he could never manage to completely confirm, he did learn to hide his ‘sins’ from them.  
His hair had been another issue, when he first refused to let them cut it he’d expected the worst but they’d let it go for a while. And then he found out why, they were letting him have it only so they could take it away, they said he was looking too much like one of those Satanist musicians that plagued their fair country. The hair had to go.

It was a little girl who spared him, the visiting niece of a church member.  
The hair argument had been raging for days and Toki was on the edge of giving in and letting them cut it all off, he knew couldn’t win.  
But then that little girl had pointed in wonder and said he looked like Jesus.  
Well _that_ was perfectly okay with the Reverend, so Toki’s hair got to keep on growing.

**** **** **** **** ****

It had been hard, knowing Dethklok was so close and not getting another chance to sneak out to see them. Well, to see _him_.  
If there had been any chance at all he would probably have tried, Skwisgaar was worth risking everything for.  
But Toki knew what would most likely happen, he knew of Skwisgaar’s reputation. He would have already been forgotten.  
No, it was better this way, to just treasure those brief memories.

The sinner who pretended to be a saint, that’s what he was. Maybe all saints were just sinners in disguise?  
Toki had long since realized that it wasn’t God he feared, but his father. He played the good son well these days, carrying out his duties without protest, and faded into the night when he was able.  
The nights away from all the rules were what kept him sane, or as sane as he could ever be anyway. It was like a chance to relax, to truly breathe.

He spent the next three days with his father in a neighboring town, their priest was ill and the Reverend and Toki were helping out the townspeople. He didn’t mind this kind of work so much, and it made his ‘visiting sick friends’ excuses all the more plausible.  
But when they got back, the word was that Dethklok had already moved on.  
It was too late forever now.

**** **** **** **** ****

As soon as the door closed, safe and private, Toki pushed Skwisgaar up against it and kissed him.  
Skwisgaar kissed back just as passionately, pulling Toki’s shirt up and over his head, running his hands all over. “You wants me?”  
“ _So_ bads.” He pulled Skwisgaar’s shirt off too for better access to the smooth skin.  
“Den takes me.”  
Did he mean that?! Toki looked deep into blue eyes, searching.  
Oh yes, he meant it.

They finished stripping each other, just trying to get the clothes out of the way. Hands still clutching, they moved to the bed.  
Skwisgaar broke away to rummage in his bag, grabbing a couple things. Lube (no surprise) and a condom. “Uses it. I ams not worries abouts you, but don’t really knows abouts me. I don’t wants you to has to be explaining dat if you gets someting, ja?”  
Toki nodded, and pulled Skwisgaar down.

He _wanted_ to take it slow, to make it last forever, but he was finding it impossible to even slow down. He whined in frustration.  
“What ams de matter? You’s not changings your mind, ams you?”  
“Noes! I just wants you so bad I can’t waits, and I’s trying to goes slow!”  
Skwisgaar’s hands caught his face. “Toki, I ams no virgins, I know how to does dis. Can you puts it in slow for me?”  
Toki nodded.  
“Den don’ts makes me waits any longer.”

**** **** **** **** ****

He had been terrified his first time.  
Of course he’d wanted to at least _try_ sex, but it was hard push the thoughts of his parents and the possible consequences away. And what if she figured out who he was, or told someone who knew his family?  
He’d managed, hoping she’d take his fear for inexperience and not think about it too much.  
It had been a long time before he’d dare to try again.

The first man had been another step toward his mental freedom, and an even bigger sin in his father’s book. Just a blowjob in a dirty bar bathroom that time, but the guy had been really good at it.  
Scattered times over the years with both men and women, but he was always careful and always worried. Years and years of believing that his father knew all and saw all didn’t fade overnight, if they ever would.

**** **** **** **** ****

Toki fought with the condom wrapper, the stupid things never opened right when you needed them to. Finally he got it, and rolled it on.  
Skwisgaar lay back, just watching him. “So how ams you wantsing me?”  
“Just likes you are?” Toki grabbed the lube and applied it, making a bit of a mess. He rubbed a handful on Skwisgaar’s ass too, and couldn’t resist slipping a finger inside. “Oh you’s tight! Are you sures you don’ts want-“  
“Jus does me and stops making me waits, okays?”

That was all the encouragement Toki needed. He shifted to find his position, funny, he’d never done it in a bed before. Skwisgaar’s hands roamed his body. He pressed forward as gently as he could manage.  
The slow give as he pushed inside, the incredible tightness...  
Skwisgaar pulled him down, kissing him deeply as he eased his way further, encouraging him.  
Most of the way in, Toki broke the kiss. “You’s okays?”  
“Way better dan okays. You feels _so damn goods_...”

Toki felt Skwisgaar’s hands slide down his back to grip his ass, pulling him closer still. So Skwisgaar wanted to choose the pace? That was fine with him. Toki moved, following the instructions of those talented hands.  
“Kisses me?” His hands otherwise occupied, Skwisgaar couldn’t pull him back down.  
As much as Toki was loving just watching his face, he leaned closer and joined their mouths again.

Faster as he was urged, Toki worried about hurting Skwisgaar but he was showing no pain. The grip on his ass was almost painful, with sharper twinges where the short nails dug in.  
The kiss now broken but their faces still close, Skwisgaar’s breathing was harsh against Toki’s lips as those hands urged him to go even harder.  
Toki was quickly losing all control.

It had _never_ been like this, not with anyone else.  
Suddenly Skwisgaar yanked him tight and held him there, making a small desperate sound as he came.  
Once released from that death grip, a few more strokes into Skwisgaar’s now limp body was all Toki needed to go over the edge himself.  
He withdrew carefully and peeled off the condom, tossing it into the corner and collapsing on the bed beside Skwisgaar.

He should go home, he should have been home long ago, but he’d just had the best sex of his life with a Guitar God and no way was he going anywhere. Not unless Skwisgaar kicked him out.  
“Dat was pretty amazings dere, I guess it ams true all de things dey says about preacher’s kids.” Skwisgaar was grinning at him.  
“You’s pretty amazing youself.” Toki dared a quick kiss, which was happily returned.  
“I wanteds to hears you play de guitar, but I tink dat’s goings to has to wait until mornings, I don’ts even wants to move rights now. Stays wit me?”  
Smiling too wide to even speak, Toki nodded.

**** **** **** **** ****

It had been a movie poster that did it this time, they’d passed it unexpectedly. The woman in it had no shirt on, and Toki had stared in surprise. Too late, he caught his mistake and lowered his eyes, but his father had already seen.  
When they’d gotten home, he’d been ordered down into the punishment hole.  
The shackles they’d used when he was younger had been bad, but somehow the hole was always worse. It was so _dark_ down there...

Toki knew he had to learn to be quicker, to catch his reactions before they got him in trouble.  
Huddled in the dark with nothing but a straw doll he’d made for company, Toki waited for the top to open again so he could leave. There was no time down here, no way to mark the passing hours. All he could do was wait.  
Someday they wouldn’t be able to make him come down here anymore.  
Someday... was so far away.

**** **** **** **** ****

He woke up very disoriented, in a strange bed and unfamiliar surroundings. Seeing Skwisgaar still sleeping next to him, he remembered everything.  
He’d never stayed out all night before, he’d crossed a line there was no going back from.  
Toki reached over, running his fingers through beautiful golden hair. He smiled when Skwisgaar made a happy little sound in his sleep, liking the attention.  
Whatever came next, he’d tied his fate to this man.

Those blue eyes opened, he could look into those eyes forever and never get bored.  
“Why hellos dere.” Skwisgaar arched his back, stretching. “I woulds says I ams sorry for nots hasing you plays de guitar last night, but I’s not sorry at alls.”  
“Well... I’s still here?”  
“Ja, you ams! I jus hopes you can plays as good as you fucks.” Skwisgaar sat up, the rummaged on the floor for his discarded pants. 

Pants on, he collected his guitar from the corner, then kicked Toki’s pants over to him. “Puts dose on or we never gets anyting done.”  
Toki did, and even found his shirt for good measure. He couldn’t quite stop smiling though.  
Skwisgaar held out the guitar. “Plays for me.”  
“Plays what?”  
“Whatsever you wants, Dethklok songs ams good if you knows any.”

Toki thought for a minute. Actually, he _did_ know a couple Dethklok songs. “You gots a pick I can use?”  
Skwisgaar handed one over, and Toki played a few scales to get the feel of this guitar, it was a lot nicer than the ones he was used to.  
He was as ready as he was ever going to be. He had to play those songs, and play them the best he could.  
Balanced on the knife’s edge with an unplugged guitar, under the gaze of a God.

**** **** **** **** **** 

The store owner had watched him closely at first, assuming the worst as they were prone to doing, but when Toki did nothing but quietly play the guitars he left him alone. It was obvious to anyone that he wasn’t shopping to buy, but they took pity on him and allowed him to play anyway.  
He did stick to the cheaper models and the knock offs, not daring to mess with the higher end models, that probably explained at least some of their tolerance.

There was always music playing in the store, and Toki tried to play along with whatever it was.  
A strange mix of oldies and modern metal was the usual fare, but sometimes other stuff was included as well. No matter what was playing, Toki just went with it.  
For someone who didn’t even own a guitar he learned fast, eventually managing to keep up with most anything that was played. Almost anything, that is.

Dethklok was the newest big sensation, quickly becoming famous world wide. Their guitarist, Skwisgaar Skwigelf, was rumored to be the fastest alive, and Toki heard no reason to doubt that.  
He tried, but he never could quite match that brutal pace.  
All other bands he’s mastered and conquered, but Dethklok stayed just slightly out of his reach.  
Still he kept trying, pushing himself harder.

**** **** **** **** ****

Sitting on the hotel bed, Toki played.  
Skwisgaar watched intently, making it hard to focus on his fingers, but he got through them. Then he looked up at Skwisgaar, wondering what he’d thought of that.  
“Dat ams not too terrible actuallies, you’s better dan most of de guys we has tried. Lots better.” Looking thoughtful, he took the guitar back and set it aside. “Well, Toki, does you wants to be in Dethklok?”

 _Did he want to be in Dethklok_?! Of course he did! But this couldn’t be happening, things like this didn’t just _happen_...  
“It ams up to you.” Skwisgaar held up a phone. “I calls dem rights now and you’s in.”  
Still speechless, Toki nodded so hard he was surprised that his head stayed on.  
Skwisgaar made a call, speaking curtly to whoever was on the other end. He hung up and tossed the phone aside. “It ams done. We needs to go gets you’s tings, dey comes for us soon.”

**** **** **** **** ****

They had been helping a neighbor, one of the younger parishioners, with some planting. The man had broken his ankle and couldn’t do it, so of course the Reverend and Toki had stepped in to help.  
The radio had been left playing, a station out of Lillehammer that played a wide variety of music.  
Toki had been enjoying it, music while he worked was a rare treat. Then a song came on by that new band Dethklok, and he saw his father freeze in his tracks.  
Aslug had turned, going straight to the radio and smashing it.

Toki kept his head down, experience telling him to pretend nothing had just happened.  
“Why did you do that?” The man had asked.  
“One who listens to the Devil’s music will be drawn to Hell. Those sinners must be stopped.”  
“It’s just music-“  
“ _No_. It’s not just music, it’s how they steal your soul away.”

His soul was long lost then, Toki realized. Music had found it’s way into his blood and he couldn’t imagine living without it. The bits he heard, the stolen hours when he could play... those meant more to him than anything else in his life.  
Somehow, he would keep his music. Even if he had to keep it inside and hide it forever, it was _his_ and he wouldn’t give it up for anything.

**** **** **** **** ****

His mother wept quietly. His father had threatened, but Toki was a grown man and there was nothing he could do anymore.  
He’s asked Skwisgaar to wait in the car while he gathered his meager belongings, he didn’t want him seeing this, didn’t want him to be harassed.  
His mother praying, his father preaching damnation, Toki shoved his things into a couple old pillowcases and tried to ignore them.

Back out to the car, back with Skwisgaar, and on to his new life. No matter what happened, this one was over.  
The driver carried them away, his house shrinking in the distance until it disappeared.  
They came to an airstrip, and waited. Toki wasn’t sure what they were waiting for or what would happen next, but Skwisgaar was clearly relaxed so he tried not to worry.  
Eventually, a large helicopter landed.

**** **** **** **** ****

Toki couldn’t believe it, they really did live in a castle shaped like a dragon! He’d assumed those were just made up stories but the proof was in front of him.  
A hooded man took his pillowcases, calling him ‘my Lord’. Toki wasn’t sure if that was usual behavior here, or if the man was taking his vague Jesus resemblance _way_ too far.  
“Dey gots some rooms for you to picks from.” Skwisgaar was motioning for him to follow, so Toki did.  
The rooms he was shown were too huge, too grand, but the last one was smaller and he felt more comfortable there. “Can I have this ones?”

"You can have anything you want," The guy with the glasses, the manager, reassured him. “Whatever you need, just ask anyone with a hood and they’ll get it for you. Skwisgaar, introduce him to the band and them bring him to my office to sign the paperwork, okay?”  
“Ja, I does dat.” Skwisgaar waved the manager off in a bored manner “Oh waits, Toki ams needing a guitars. Gets him a goods one, preferably a Gibsons.”  
“I’ll get right on that.” The suited man departed.

**** **** **** **** ****

He’d been on the Dethklok Minute. His name, a photo they’d gotten from somewhere... It was amazing.  
Toki lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. So much had changed in so little time, sometimes it still felt completely unreal, like a dream.  
If it was a dream, he never wanted to wake up.  
A member of Dethklok, famous before he ever even played a show...  
Embracing the sinner was so much better than faking the saint.

If only Skwisgaar would come to him, then he would have everything.  
Sometimes he came, sometimes he didn’t, and Toki wasn’t quite brave enough to go to his door. It was better to wait, and to hope.  
The scattered days they were together made up for all the days they slept apart.  
Toki resumed trying to count his ceiling blocks. He always lost his concentration before he came up with a total, so the game could still be played.

**** **** **** **** ****

Excluded from the Dethklok Minute again... Toki was used to it but it still sucked.  
Skwisgaar had been moody and distant lately, he really wanted to just fuck that smile back onto his face. Skwisgaar had changed so much over the years, becoming more withdrawn, almost cold. It seemed like he was afraid of his own feelings, or maybe just trying to pretend that he didn’t have any.  
But then he’d always been that way, a different person in private than he was when under the public eye, or even just the eyes of their bandmates.

Daring to break the pattern they’d established long ago, Toki wen to Skwisgaar’s room. He knocked softly.  
“Comes in?”  
Toki did, going straight to the bed and crawling up Skwisgaar’s mostly naked body. “I misses you. I wants you. I misses you _so_ much...”  
Skwisgaar couldn’t suppress a smile as he pulled him down.  
_This_ was what it meant to be home.


End file.
